Columbia University

Agree To Our Demands....Or We Eat Our Favorite Foods!

The kids calling themselves the College Republicans down at Columbia University took a page from radicalized students of previous generations and made a list of demands.

They wanted conservative professors hired and all land north of the campus to be seized (damn those Afros, Latinos, Jews, and Dhalgren's girl), establishing a little empire from 110th Street to Baker Field and the Allen Pavilion, the northernmost property in Manhattan. Since their demands were not met (nor were they expecting them to be), they decided to consume more Wingnut food (which we all know is Cheetos and Mountain Dew) as a show of protest. The eat-in was held yesterday (Nov. 14). Earlier this week, the following e-mail was leaked from their inner circle:

We demand:

1. Administrative Reform: Mandatory, all-day "Don't rush the stage" training for all incoming students and faculty.

2. Conservative Studies: The hiring of 12 conservative professors.

3. Expansion into Harlem: Columbia expansion from 114th street to Baker Field.

4. Core Curriculum: An amendment to the Columbia charter to protect the ideals of the Core.

or else...

well, nothing.

Hunger strike and direct action are not legitimate forms of campus discourse. Join the College Republicans this Wednesday 12-3 on Low Steps to *gasp* eat, drink, voice your opposition to the [liberal hunger] strike, and talk about the issues important to you.