Alec Baldwin Is So Fucked

It pains me to write that. But it seems obvious. Alec Baldwin is totally, completely fucked. Everything bad that happens to him going forward is probably going to be traced to what happened to him last week.

This tragic case is extraordinary in every worst way:

1. I will start with the fact that Alec Baldwin is New York’s resident asshole celebrity. He’s been an asshole to just about everyone for the last 30 years or so. You might cry that this isn’t relevant to the tragedy, but of course it is. This is part of how it’s going to be remembered. It is far too soon to write it, but I wrote it.

2. No asshole deserves what happened to Mr. Baldwin. What astonishes me is the level of horrifying trauma he is going through. If you believe in karma, or if you think sometimes the universe comes to collect from bad people, you have to agree that Baldwin’s punishment is disproportionately large for what he has done as an adult. He must be going through the worst hell, unless, he is unfazed and sleeping peacefully at night, in which case, re-read #1. No one deserves such an overwhelming punishment for being an chronic asshole. Not even Donald Trump, who must be thrilled that this happened.

3. Baldwin is no longer an A-list actor. Personally, I will remember him for Beetlejuice, Miami Blues, Glengarry Glen Ross, Malice and The Royal Tannenbaum's (I forgot he’s the voice of the narrator!). He’s in the twilight of his career, unable to star in a theatrical release. So he took a role (and an executive producer credit) in a Blumhouse production that was marred by a labor dispute and a total breakdown of safety protocols. This led to him becoming a victim of one of the worst cases of negligence in the history of movie production. I want to repeat that. What happened last week was arguably worse than The Twilight Zone movie helicopter crash in 1982, or Brandon Lee’s death on the set of The Crow in 1993. That’s because it is currently believed that the gun used was a revolver, which is easier to empty. For a rehearsal, it should have been empty of any and all cartridges. It goes so far beyond ‘inexcusable.’ It should never have happened. And yet, a series of shocking errors and terrible chances led to a tragic death. Somehow a live round found its way into that gun, and that gun ended up in Baldwin's hand.

4. The inexcusable, violent death of Ms. Hutchins was the fault of many people. Primarily, the liability rests with assistant director Dave Halls and an inexperienced armorer. But in order for this to become the horrible manslaughter it was, there had to be a string of consecutive failures, including the final failure from Mr. Baldwin. He violated a critical rule: never point any gun, real or replica, at anyone. It would have been bad enough if a live round was fired during rehearsal, but hit no one. People would still be fired and banned from Hollywood. An investigation would still happen. The unions would send stern reminders to armorers and assistant directors. But this horrific tragedy is one in which a series of terrible things happened, including Baldwin pointing the gun at two principal crew members.

Are you a fan of Alec Baldwin? Did my words hurt you because I said something harsh about the star of of the insanely overrated and self-referencing 30 Rock? Well, don’t be upset at me. Just watch what happens next.

New York City now has two celebrities on death watch. Which one will go first, Alec Baldwin or Rudy Giuliani? Or will Robert De Niro crash the party with a surprise passing?

It might seem that I find some pleasure in this. I don’t, really. One person is dead and another is having his life completely ruined.

I do admit to being slightly evil and twisted. I have to be a little evil in this cruel nation.

Meghan Markle Is A Nobody

It’s the news media, specifically the American news media, that is keeping her in our headlines.

The American news media calls Megan Markle a “feminist” and a world leader. Google her name and “feminist” and a lot of results appear. But in reality, who is she? She’s the wife of the brother of the future king of England. She and her children are nowhere near the line of succession. She is a supporting character of a supporting character.

Now I know I must acknowledge a few facts before I continue my argument. Obviously I am self-aware of the implications of calling the half-black, American wife to a British royal a “nobody.” Of course she is not a nobody. She’s a real person. She’s entitled to privacy. And it is terrible for a white male blogger to call a black woman a generation younger than him a “nobody.” That’s bullying. I know better. I should Be Best.

Come to think of it, Melania Trump is also a nobody, but I covered a part of that in a separate post.

It also needs to be acknowledged that Meghan Markle was and is treated terribly by the sleazy London tabloids. She was smeared for both her skin color and the fact that she is an American-born woman with no royal family ties. No woman deserves to be trashed before she can make a first impression on her terms. The British tabloids never gave Markle a fair chance. At least I am weighing in years later, after a lot of evidence has become available in the public sphere.

I call Meghan Markle a nobody because, in the grand scheme of things, the media attention she has received far outweighs her contributions to society and her significance in world history. She’s a positive footnote in an otherwise long and terrible history of British royalty. That is, until she made herself even more of a footnote by effectively leaving the royal family and giving up her titles and official royal duties.

Know what she is? Yes, she’s a feminist, but so is Lady Sterling. No, Megan Markle is simply privileged. The Duchess of Sussex did no more for women before she married Harry Windsor than millions of other American women who call themselves feminists. She worked hard to crack into show business (her major credits are game show model and supporting character on Suits), but she never did the hard work of activism and resisting the patriarchy. But once she married the Duke of Sussex, she became a sought-after celebrity who could help promote philanthropists, non-profits, GMOs and other wealthy do-gooders who want to boost their exposure and reputations. This leapt her to the top of the celebrity feminist hierarchy. It must have helped to have the weight of the royals behind her to remind media outlets to keep calling her a feminist and humanitarian. She’s not alone. Just look at Jay-Z.

Which brings me to my next and final point. The American media loves her for many reasons. Sadly one of them is a ghost named Diana. As I wrote in my master’s thesis, the news media loves to give history lessons to its viewers if there’s an interesting story to tell, and the news organization also finds the story interesting. Call it a form of navel gazing. A story of a new British Royal bride being trashed by tabloids and then fleeing the family is a familiar tale. The tale is even more gripping when the woman marries one of the late Princes Diana’s sons. It’s even more gripping still when that son irrationally tells the media that he fears the media is going to kill his wife like they killed his mom. But these comparisons fall short. Markle is leaving the family on her terms, to make loads of cash. No affair or divorce forced her ouster. And, in a development that is worthy of a separate blog post or book, the golden age of paparazzi is over. From roughly the 1950s to the late 2000s, it was the paparazzi who got us candid photos of celebrities out in the wild. Today, the celebrities have taken back control of their images, and directly share photos and videos of themselves through social media platforms. The death of Diana should have popped the paparazzi bubble in 1997. But by 2013, Instagram did.

So no, the Duchess of Sussex is not in mortal danger. She’s free to be sit on the boards of non-profits and buy and sell stakes in companies for the rest of her life (again, look at Jay-Z). Leave her alone. But please also keep her out of the news. She is a nobody.

She's Beyond Embarrassing

If we're not embarrassed by Donald Trump being president, why would his ignorant and arrogant daughter's lame attempt to intrude in the conversation of world leaders bother us? The Trumps assume they're our royal family, and they can't imagine that they're not welcome everywhere. And Ivanka can't imagine that her banal chatter isn't fascinating to serious people. Of course she doesn’t do policy or activism. She’s doing precisely what she planned to do in her role as princess of America.

My advice is that we need to forget she exists. Same for all of Trump’s children. Focus on removing Trump from office.

When Celebrity News Loses Its Appeal

Angelina Jolie: "Obama Would Be Great For My Family"

There's just one problem. I don't give a rat's dick about her 'family.'

I doubt many people do. Never in my wildest fantasies did I want a picture of Jolie breastfeeding on the cover of W magazine. And today, word came that it has been published.

But back to Jolie's ludicrous comment that Obama will somehow be great for her family. Does she mean that Pax, Maddox, and Zahara are going to benefit from seeing a non-white president? Really? Living sheltered lives, flying around the world, mingling with people of every color, and perhaps even meeting the president someday are going to benefit those kids a great deal. But it doesn't matter worth a damn who is in the White House as far as these kids are concerned. Barring any drug overdoses or accidents, these kids got it made.

The question is, will Obama stop the bleeding and limit the damage that continues to be caused by the policies of Bush, Chaney, and the Neocons? And will that help me and my girl? To hell with Angelina. She doesn't need help from any president. 'Cos she's got it all figured out.

I am very proud of being American, and all my children have got American passports.

Like, oh my god...so do I. And so does Governor Palin. Disappear after your new movie is released, please.